Chapter 2
10 Nov 2008 Leave a Comment
in Essence Of The Soul Tags: Phase I: Rebirth
“Ughhh! Uggh…Ehh…Geh-Heokk..uh! Akkh! Can’t breathe…am I really going to die like this?”
Kurutio Ishin, a college sophomore, had been wrestling with an invisible force, and as he’s now approached his limit, the monster had taken advantage of Kurutio’s “spiritual blindness”, and was now strangling him to death.
“Uggh…think, think! –Calm down…let it come…Found it!
“Let me go, for the day breaks.”
In what appeared to be a response to his words, a sudden bright stream of light flooded the swamp which Kurutio had battled the monster in. As the light shined upon the invisible beast, her grotesque form manifested, and not a moment later, she turned to stone.
“Ehhh! “It’s” a girl???”
That was his first reaction. The second one was interrupted by a familiarly obnoxious voice in his head:
“Light turning a monster to stone? Talk about jury-rigged fantasy cliches!”
At these words he awoke, and groggily stared at the alarm clock. It read 5:50 am– 10 minutes early. Kurutio stretched, letting out a uninhibited yawn, while thinking,
“Took the words right out of my mouth!”
The words that he spoke were taken from Genesis 32:26, which reads “And He said ‘Let me go, for the day breaks’.” The latter half of Genesis 32 is about Jacob wrestling with God, and when Kurutio recognized the similarity of that to his present situation, he decided it was worth a try…Never thought it would actually work though…But what was that light?”
“Would be nice if I had the forces of nature at my command like that! Then I would pretty much be God…”
In your dreams…the obnoxious voice said.
“Shaddup! You don’t have to be so–wait a minute…in my dreams is right!!! Wow, the irony is killing me!” The more he thought about it, his grin became broader…and he began to giggle, then laugh, and cackle, almost hysterically. It was just too much! Perhaps this excessive joviality might have robbed him from what would be by appearances a “normal” day, but he was saved- not by the bell, but by the alarm clock.
Ten minutes was up- it was now 6:00 am. “Come to think of it though, how did I know that “it” was a girl? There’s no way anyone could tell from appearances…”
Kurutio Ishin was quite the eccentric fellow, and at first glance one might mistake him for a loner. But his many talents and active desire to help people have complimented his deviant tendencies, to the effect of overwhelming popularity and a large circle of friends. So despite being ‘different’, he had quite the social life.
Naturally, he stood out at college, but not in bad way- far from it! While otherwise people might only see his eccentricities and avoid him, his commitment to serve others (and an unsurpassed ability in this regard) has compelled classmates to instead think “If only there were more eccentric people like him.”
Because so many people depend on and look up to him, he’s become a legend there. So in all honesty, depending on the definition, he has already become a god.
“Shower, Check! Lunch, Check! Homework…” As usual, Kurutio double-checked all the basics, ensuring he hadn’t forgotten anything.
I’m on a roll today- remembered everything the first time around…and I’m half an hour early too!
Gathering up his laptop and backpack, He started off for class, locking the door behind him. As he was leaving, a shadowy figure suddenly appeared behind him, as if out of thin air, and clasped her arms around him, knocking his wind out in the process….! “Deja vu…” He thought
“Is this really the time to be thinking stuff like that?”, responded the inner-voice…
“Guess who…” she said.
“Hmmm…luscious breasts against my back…and a formidable chokehold- who else but Airielu?”
“Tee-hee! But to use words like ‘luscious’… you’re making my blush!”
“C’mon now, let’s go, Elly!” Kurutio took Airielu’s hand, and started to run, almost dragging her.
“Hey, what are you so excited about so early in the morning? College is still hours away…”
“There’s something that I want to show you- you’ll love it, trust me!”
If only he could be more bold about “that”, Airieluthought- while subconsciously pressing her index fingers together.
As they ran through the lush meadow, the crisp wind channeling itself through their hair and riveting itself through their hair and riveting through their clothes, Kurutio and Airielu shared this rare and beautiful nexus of freedom. Although at this point in time he did not savor it- as Airielu did, it was a memory to be treasured.
Sometimes we just aren’t able to appreciate these moments until long after they’re gone, but for Kurutio– well let’s just say he’s not as fortunate. With the warm and gentle sunlight saturating and illuminating their bodies, both of them secretly wished for this moment to last forever…and perhaps it did, if only in spirit.
But alas, they had now reached the summit. The sunlight sparkled off the fresh and powdery snow in waves that reverberated off each other like picturesque echoes, and snow-freckled wildflowers complemented the scenery in patches spreading out as far as the eye could see. “It’s beautiful”, Airielu said with a sweet and breathy tone.
She knew it was such a cliche’ response, but amid this breathtakingly splendorous scenery, there really were no words to properly describe it- nothing could quite cover the beauty and magnificence of it all. Kurutio was pleasantly surprised (to say the least), and they plopped down in the soft thick grass together, side by side, basking in the sun.
As they both lovingly gazed into each other’s eyes, ecstasy danced frivolously with their hearts, and their spirits became one, as a beautiful intimacy overtook them. As they serenely took in the flourishing paradise they had willingly entrapped themselves in, Kurutio and Airielu were hopelessly mesmerized, and time itself had become completely irrelevant.
Then without warning, as if this meadow were mere illusion, the sky abruptly exploded in an intense flash of light, and everything faded into a dismal darkness. Airielu suddenly fainted into Kurutio’s lap, and as he watched awestruck, a mysterious and visually absurd image stretched across the sky.
Red lines were staggered across the the expanse of an endless darkness, but they weren’t ordinary lines– actually, you couldn’t be sure by appearances if they were lines at all. But somehow, for reasons he couldn’t explain or understand, he knew they were definitely lines.
That being said, there was no way to tell where these lines began and where they ended– a quality strange- even disturbing, for lines to possess. They just “were”, but it was as if the nature of their existence, and even that they existed at all, was irrelevant.
He was overwhelmed with questions for no apparent reason, about things he did not understand. Kurutio tried to catch some of it, hoping that somewhere in these questions he might find some answers- and somehow, for the first time in his life, the irony was not funny; this time, it instead haunted him like an evil spirit.
In this intense desperation, unspeakable fear flooded his soul- as he sat there rigid, helplessly in shock; he had completely forgotten Airielu was there, passed out on his lap…with these questions came feelings– Love, Joy, Hatred, Fear, Doubt, Passion, Melancholy, and Rage. All of them were intense, all of them chaotic, and of a caliber so great they seemed to render his own feelings, and even his identity- meaningless.
With these feelings came a feeling of corruption; Kurutio felt soiled- even evil. It was as if his very existence were an abomination- an unforgivable heresy. Fear had turned to corruption, corruption to conviction, and now conviction to suffering; he was ruthlessly torn between the evil that he was and the good that he knew he should be.
Eventually the suffering gave way to apathy, and apathy to Nihilism. For the first time in his life, Kurutio wanted to die.
God, put me out of my misery! He prayed. Kurutio hadn’t believed in God for a long time, but somehow that didn’t seem to matter.
Put me out of my fucking misery…God! Damn You! I would rather spend eternity in Hell than to go on like this! Fucking kill me now…- God dammit! Curse you– what kind of sick sadomasochistic pervert are you?…God!
As he continued to curse and blaspheme a god he did not believe in, it became clear that all rationality had left him; he had gone insane- traumatized by things that neither you, nor I, could understand.
Out of this torrent, a voice roared above all else, as if in answer to his prayer. It also possessed absurdly impossible qualities- projecting itself as both deep and shrieking- all at once. Sensing the similarity of this to the phenomena that had forced him to this pathetic state, Kurutio shrank away from it, clawing at the air with a brutal madness.
He was shivering and shaking like a young boy who had gotten his first taste of what torture really is…
That’s what I really am…He thought. A child!He laughed grimly to himself, revealing a forced and bitter smile. Up till now, Kurutio was in control– or rather, he thought he was. But in reality, he had taken everything for granted. He was naïve, and all at once- for an efficiency I would wish on no one, not even my enemies- he had been forced to accept all of this.
As he was made to bear the unbearable, Kurutio began what was going to be a veryrude awakening. He wasnaïve- but now, in this present darkness- surrounded by emotions and chaos, and tortured by his very own existence, he was forced to face not only his naïvety, but something far worse:
Himself.
